There was a Reddit post where the Original Poster was wondering how she could become more independent. She said that both her mom and boyfriend were pressuring her into doing something that she didn\u2019t want. So she wanted suggestions on how to juggle between her mom\u2019s wants, her boyfriend\u2019s wants and what she wants.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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First of all, I want to say that if this resonates with you, you\u2019re not alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We live in a co-dependent world. Where growing up, we might have gotten yelled at, criticized, abandoned, guilt tripped, and even praised in order to \u201cplease\u201d our parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To the point where we only feel worthy and loved when we make them feel happy, make them feel proud.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We were never asked what we want. Our existence was to fulfill other people\u2019s needs. So it\u2019s very normal to<\/p>\n\n\n\n
1. not know exactly what we want for ourselves. And<\/p>\n\n\n\n
2. become really anxious and concerned when we need to stand up for ourselves, because what if they get mad at me? What if they don\u2019t love me anymore?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u200b<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So in order to become independent, there comes a point where we have to learn to stand for ourselves. That means even when other people get mad at us, or walk out on us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When we can stand on our own two feet to say\u2026 I am willing to stand here even if you leave me and no longer love me. That is where we start gaining independence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u200b<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So what does it really take?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
First of all, we have to figure out what exactly do we want for ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Because how do we know where we stand if we don\u2019t know what we want?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It could be something big, like a dream we have. Like I want to quit my job and become a rock star. Or just a stance, like, I really want to be with my boyfriend (whom my parents don\u2019t approve of).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then we have to deal with the emotions, both our own emotions, and withstand other people\u2019s outbursts: anger, guilt, pain, frustration, etc.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We also have to process our grief, from losing their love and support.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u200b<\/p>\n\n\n\n
All of these, is to go after one thing, which is to build our self-trust and reliance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Meaning: even when other people leave me, even when I am alone, I know that I am strong enough to stand for me, and I know that I can get through this hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is not overnight, it takes time, it takes courage, it takes support.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u200b
That\u2019s why this Friday, my friend Phoebe and I are having our community hour Radiant Blossom, and we\u2019re going to go through Becoming Part 1: \u201cWhat Do I Want?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mark your calendar now, it on July 19th 9pm EST (July 20th 9am Beijing Time).<\/p>\n\n\n\n