No surprise at all, we obtained most of our behaviours while growing up with our parents\/care takers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now that the holidays is over, maybe you got a chance to reflect back on how it went.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Did you find yourself\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
-doing everything to make sure other people are happy?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
-making sure everything is running smoothly?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
-catering to everyone\u2019s needs before yours?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I remember growing up, I was always one of the few girls who would plan for all the gatherings. Because if I didn\u2019t, the gatherings wouldn\u2019t happen!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019d make sure we stay connected, make sure everyone is available, make sure no one is left behind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And there were a few occasions where someone couldn\u2019t make it, and I\u2019d suggest to keep the date.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But the immediate feedback would be, \u201cShould we change it to another date? Because so and so can\u2019t make it\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
REALLY???? That would INSTANTLY set me off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yet, I would cave, and continue to try, to make sure everyone was available and onboard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But eventually, it sucked up all the fun for me!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I became resentful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There were even a few times where I reacted childishly, made sarcastic remarks, to the point where it made other people uncomfortable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And I stopped planning for gatherings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Through the years of inner work, I learned that I caved and catered to others, because I didn\u2019t want to be seen as lazy or inconsiderate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Because growing up, my mom would use those words to describe me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So even when I don\u2019t want to do it, I would go the extra mile to prove to others (and myself) that I am not lazy and inconsiderate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And at the same time, I learned that, EVEN IF I am a lazy and inconsiderate, it\u2019s ok.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Because in order for me to give more of myself, I have to take care of me first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So it\u2019s ok for me to be \u201clazy\u201d and \u201cinconsiderate\u201d. I learned to love me for them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Two nights ago, I created a visual to help other people understand the basics of how people-pleasing tendency started. So I want to share them with you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n No surprise at all, we obtained most of our behaviours while growing up with our parents\/care takers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<\/figure>\n\n\n\n