With this being the end of the year, I wanted to recount some of the things I had fun with.
So here are a few things that brought me a lot of joy this year.
First, I finished reading all the Demon Slayer Manga with my son. There are 23 volumes altogether, and I completed all of that with him. And for Halloween, my husband got him a Tanjiro costume (main character), and he was super excited about it.
I am in the middle of reading Naruto with my son. There are 72 volumes, and we are close to vol 50(!)
I downloaded the Pikmin Bloom game, recommended by my friend Janet. And I’d been walking a bit more, (like doing lunch time walks when I don’t usually go outside).
I started playing Assassin’s Creed. Oh man… this game is the death of me. Other than Final Fantasy XIV, this one definitely turns me into a sailor, (I swore non-stop at the screen). And it’s super satisfying when I get to assassinate my targets! At one point, I started looking at my surroundings with new eyes (ohh.. my character can jump from here to there! Ohh there’re the red dots - the security!)
I helped my son finish (more like I finished) the 1000 piece puzzle, with all the characters in the Simpsons.
I started roller skating. And even though I still suck at it, I was able to skate a little better.
I finished the watching the 20 episodes k-drama, the King’s Affection, with my husband.
Also, recently, I stumbled upon a book by one of my favourite illustrators, Takagi Naoko. I learned about her about 15 years ago. She wrote about her dreams of becoming an illustrator in Tokyo. She moved from Mie to Tokyo in 1998. Her books included things like life in Tokyo, her trips to different hot springs, food she found around Japan, etc. I loved her books.
I stopped following her because when I used to get her books, I would have to ask one of my friends, who were either going back to Hong Kong, or going to Japan, to look for the books to get them for me.
So two days ago, I was at the mall with my husband. At this mall (Markville mall), the book store got relocated to a bigger spot. When we went inside, I found out they now have a Chinese section. I got curious so I went up to check out what they have. The first thing that caught my eye was Takagi Naoko’s newest book, “Eat it all, Bento Diary”! This is her 20th anniversary edition book. I found out that she is now married, have a daughter. And this book consists of different stories about the bentos she either made or bought.
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The one on the right is the newest book. The one on the left is one of her first books called “Going to Tokyo by Oneself”
I am still floored, to find a Japanese illustration book, that has been translated into Chinese, which I found in the Chinese corner of a Western book store in Canada. 🤯
I’m so excited and proud of Takagi Naoko, because that is an amazing feat!
I still remembered her story about taking that step, moving from a small town to Tokyo. All because of a dream. Then being bold enough to take an action. Even when she kept doubting herself, wondering if she made a mistake.
Our lives, we are given this life to live it.
What if at any point in time, you can make a change, and it’s not too late to do what you want?
Life is all about both the positive and the negative.
Let’s keep having more fun this coming 2025. Have a great new year!!
I was in Gr 2.
For homework, we were given a piece of paper, with the cut outs of the windmill printed on the paper. Along with it, we were given a small pearl straight pin, and a plastic straw.
When I got home, I was so excited to get started!! There were hard lines and dotted lines on the print out, so I cut out the windmill carefully with scissors.
Then I looked at the cut out.. I knew I was supposed to bring part of it to the middle.
I brought the pointy part to the centre.. but it didn’t look right.
“Mommy can you help me with this?”
When she saw it.. she sighed.
“That’s not how you do it!” She grumbled.
Then sat down, and took over the project, the entire time, she had a scowl on her face.
A lump formed in my chest and tears welled up my eyes…
I’m so dumb.. I don’t know how to do this on my own, and mom is mad at me.
That was the fixed mindset environment I grew up in.
That I was either good at something, or I’m too dumb for it.
And for me, I was too dumb for many things.
I believed that I was the problem, and I just wasn’t good enough.
What I needed, was my mom to guide me, to show me, to let me know that it was okay that I didn’t know. I just had to take time to learn.
Yet, I had to learn on my own that it is okay not to know.
It is okay to suck at stuff in the beginning.
It’s okay to make mistakes.
I also had to learn that there are people who are good at things, and suck at teaching.
My mom sucked at teaching.
Sometimes, we have a tendency to not ask for help, because we sometimes don’t want to get judgement or poor reactions thrown at our faces.
Other times, when other people react poorly at us, rather than understanding that they are the problem, we may believe that we are the problem.
Have you ever been in a situation where you just needed some help or reassurance, but instead, you ended up thinking that something’s wrong with you?
I just want you to know that you’re not alone in on this.
Nothing is wrong with you for not knowing, or needing to ask for help. Nothing is wrong with you for wanting guidance.
You just didn’t get a proper response.
If you want to do something that calls you to, go and do that thing. I’d like to invite you to go after it. With the new year coming ahead, it’s not too late, you’re not too stupid (or too fat, or too weak, or whatever you put). You still get to try it. Find the people who are willing to show you, and go for it for you. Let's break the cycle of the fixed mindset, and get more into the growth mindset.
Overcoming my perfectionism was one of the things that was hardest for me.
Since I was young, my mom had taught me never show others my flaws.
Things have to be well put together, never share with others I was struggling.
In Chinese, there is a saying, “Lifting up your shirt to show off your belly”, which means to share these vulnerable stories with others.
These are things no one wants to see.
These are things that bring shame to the person and to the family.
So when I was dating my now husband, and my mom and I were arguing with each other.. she told me to never share any of our fights with him.
Because these are “internal struggles” within the family, and it shouldn’t leak out.
One should never tell others what’s underneath, to protect our dignity, to save face.
It was extremely difficult for me to do, because it was such a big emotional toll. So I did share it with him and others at the time.
And then when I started sharing more about myself with the world, my internal voice kept questioning, kept criticizing.
That is too much info, you’re bringing shame to the family
This is too vulnerable, no one really cares.
No one wants to know about it.
No one cares about it.
Thinking that no one really cares is one of the hardest things I had to work though in my psyche.
I didn’t want to share it with others, because I didn’t want to burden them.
More over, I didn’t want to get hurt, or disappointed, if it was somehow true.
And even more important than that.. do I care?
Do I care enough about me to share what’s on my mind?
Even when no one will listen to me, do I value my opinions enough for me to speak out?
Even when other people cast me aside, do I see myself as someone worthy to be heard?
I had to work on finding evidence of the contrary, because whatever one believes, one will find.
There are still times I fall back into the old logic, maybe no one cares…
And each time, I get to choose.
I choose to care abut myself.
I choose to value my opinions.
I choose to see myself worthy.
Because I maybe not be so important, and I’m very important at the same times.
So I choose to lift up my shirt for others to see.
To share my stories even when they may bring shame.
So that people can also know that they are not alone in this world.
Sharing is not to bring shame. It takes strength and courage to share. And at the same time, I care enough about me.
Sometimes, we have a tendency to hold back on sharing, maybe we may think that the other person is too busy to hear us out.
Other times, we may be afraid that, if we share too much, maybe the other person may get scared away.
Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted to share a story, and yet when it was about to come out, you changed your mind and stopped yourself from sharing?
I had found myself in those situations often.
I just want to let you know that, you're not alone. If you'd like a place to share something with us, you have a chance tomorrow.
My friend Phoebe and I are hosting our end of the year Radiant Blossom, we'll be recounting some of the things that we'd gone through this year.
If you're up for it, send me a message and mark it in your calendar so you can join us. Tomorrow, Dec 27th 8pm EST (Dec 28th 9am Beijing Time).
These past few years, I had been exploring and embracing more fun and joy in my life.
Through playing video games or watching k-dramas, I learned that part of it was to either level up or to complete the entire series. And I had to shift my brain into looking at them from the “fun” angle.
Even yesterday, our son pulled out the 1000 piece puzzle of the Simpsons (there were probably 500 characters), and he wanted me to help me. And I thought, of all things.. why did you pull this out?!
So today, I spent majority of my time putting the puzzle together, and it’s 80% done.
And I actually enjoyed it, spending time with my son, looking up each character, and locating where each piece goes.
(The other reason why I wanted to do it, is to show him that, things are difficult, and if we take each step one at a time, we can finish it).
I am learning to embrace each moment, to say, hey I am enjoying it, not just working hard, but to live.
Because this is life.
Often times, we have a tendency to focus on our to-do list, and when it’s done, we may move quickly to the next thing. And we may even choose to do what we’re supposed to do, rather than what we really want to do.
Have you ever found yourself pushing aside the things you want to do, because you have a thought that, it is “not productive”?
I do that often myself.
And for this upcoming year, I also want to continue to bring more fun into my life.
So I wish that for this holiday and new year, I hope that you get to embrace that part of you, so you get to experience that joy and wonder.
This is my conversation I had with my “perfectionism”. What came out of it was the message of: it’s because you hadn’t been practicing, so I had to protect you. 😅 So I’m showing up, renewing my commitment to creating videos again.
So last night, I was talking to my husband, and I said, you know, one of the things I really wanted to do for this year is to focus more on what I want to do.
I mean I have been roller skating, reading a lot of mangas with Damien, and we even binge watched the King’s Affection.
But still… for the most part, my mind still goes on a rampage, questioning why I don’t do certain things because the things I do have to be productive, business related, home related, work related…
And I am tired.
So Anthony asked, ok so if you really have a lot of time, what would you want to do.
And I said, I don’t know, maybe skate more, sleep more, play more games, binge watched shows more?
So Anthony was like, then take a few weeks off, or maybe Jan off to do whatever you want.
And I thought.. well.. since it is Dec 16th and it’s the last 16 days of the year… why don’t I just start doing whatever I want?
And no beating myself up over it.
If I pick something up because I want to, I do it.
If I put it down because I’m bored, I do it.
If I want to go lie down, I do it.
If I want to write an email, I do it.
If I don’t want to respond, I don’t do it.
If I don’t want to clean up, I don’t do it.
I just allow.
So now, I want to share this email with you, to ask you to join me in this end of year challenge. For the last 15 days of 2024, you get to do whatever you want.
And even if you feel guilty, it’s ok.
Even if you get yelled at, you can go and yell at the other person, it’s ok.
If you need permission, I give you permission.
Here, Permission given. Go, have fun, and let me know what comes up (or if you don’t want to, you don’t have to)
