To be quite frank with you, it’s super difficult for me to write these posts and share my stories.
I’d been working on showing up. And each step of the way is like pulling teeth!
Last night, I came across this short clip from One Piece, and I want to illustrate what it means to have the courage to show up.
This clip had to do with 3 of the main characters getting off their ship to find treasure. To do so, they had to swing across the cloud of sharks in order to get onto land.
You can watch this video and I wanted to share 3 critical moments with you.
Point 1: 0:36-0:44, Nami heard there was treasure, so even though she was scared, she said yes! = 8 seconds (finding our dreams and desires)
Point 2: 1:24-1:46, Nami’s turn to swing from the ship = 22 seconds. (Navigating our fear)
Point 3: 1:47-1:58 Nami screaming while swinging = 11 seconds. (Actually doing it)
Point 3 is usually where people refer to as bravery -> Just do it! And dismisses Point 2!
In this clip, note how Point 2 lasted 22 seconds and point 3 lasted 11 seconds.
In real life, Point 2 could last for years…
But NO ONE ever talks about Point 2!
For me, this is the scariest part, because my 8 year old self knew that if I show up, I could get it wrong and get hurt. (My mom used to hit me when I gave a wrong answer while studying).
And this is how it looked like for me as an adult: I had Point 1. I wanted to implement Point 3, but I was holding myself back…
I’d get super frustrated at myself for not doing it! So I’d say: "How useless are you!" "Why can’t you do this?" "What’s wrong with you?"
Extremely nasty.
This past year, I learned to sit with myself a lot at Point 2 to process the hurt, the fear, and all the big emotions, so I could shorten this period of time.
So I could call on bravery.
Do I still feel scared?
Of course! Like Nami, I still scream at Point 3.
But courage doesn’t just come from Point 3, majority of it is cultivated at Point 2.
Maybe for some of us, we have an idea of what we want (Point 1), and we really want to take the leap (Point 3), but we are frustrated at ourselves because we couldn’t get ourselves to move! So we beat ourselves up, over and over again.
What if, what if, nothing has gone wrong.
We just got stuck at Point 2, because we were never taught how to process that stuck feeling.
That is why I am offering my newest offer: Getting Unstuck.
Where I help you process all those extreme feelings, so you can finally breathe and get a clear picture of where you want to go.
If you’re interested in it, I am offering 4 1:1 sessions to 5 people. (Newest update: 2 of the spots are already taken!), so 3 spots left!
Sign up now if you believe you’d benefit from it.
Know that you’re not alone. I love you, I see you, and I understand. Let’s do this together.
I want to share something special with you! I created a freebie that I’m super excited about!
Are you fed up with having to deal with how people are treating you?
Maybe someone you know has been continuously criticizing or judging you?
Maybe every time you see them, they would tell you how you’re raising your kids wrong, and doesn't hesitate to give their 2 cents on how they would do it.
Or maybe they keep asking you to do more things for them, yet they are never thankful for what you’d done?
Well, enough is enough!
It’s time we set up some boundaries! That's why I have created this free video just for you!
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Is there something you really want to do in your life if you’re a bit more “courageous”?
You may think courage is only needed for things like speaking on stage.
But what about standing up to your mom to tell her to stop criticizing you?
How about telling your boss, “no I cannot handle this other thing that you put on my plate”?
And maybe telling your spouse that it is time they stop yelling at you, or being disrespectful to you?
These things also take courage.
Last Friday, my colleagues and I were filming a segment of Christmas song for a fun video, and one of them brought in a moose hat and a reindeer hat.
She was going to wear the moose hat, but because my other colleague didn’t want to wear the reindeer hat, so she refused to wear the moose hat. She said, “I can’t wear that!” I said, “Yes you can”
Nope, she refused to wear it because other people are not wearing it. So I ended up wearing it, all by myself.
Yes, being different takes courage.
Often times, we hear sentences like, Don’t be scared! Just do it! Just show up! You’ll never be ready, so do it anyways!
Sounds good! BUT..
There is another side to this, which is what I often face when I tap into my courage. And I want to share this with you.
After I had done that thing that is scary,
I always end up criticizing myself for not being good enough
I always end up comparing myself to other people even though I know intellectually I am comparing 🍎 to 🍊
I become extremely anxious, self-conscious, self-loathing, and I wonder why I even show up.
“Look at you! You looked like a fool!”
“Look how mad you made your mom!!”
“Who do you think you are, there are other people who are saying the same thing better than you!”
Nothing has gone wrong, because when we become courageous to show up and stand for something, it’s like how cavemen and cavewomen went out to fight the tiger, the lion the crocodile in the old days!
There is a pre-fight: Holy shit!! What is this thing!! I have to fight it!
There is a during-the-fight: arrrrrhhhhh let’s go!!!! Dammit It’s too strong!
There is a post-fight: OMG that was so scary! I can’t believe I almost got killed!
It is all part of the nervous system activation!! So it is normal!
In the old days, we have a beast to blame.
Nowadays, we have nothing to blame except us! (How could you be so rude to your mom?!) So cue the self-devaluing things we say to ourselves!
Nothing has gone wrong.
I am learning to take time for me to recalibrate my mind.
When this voice comes up, I learn to sit with it and say, “Hey, whatever it is, it’s not true. You don’t need to compare, you don’t need to put yourself down. You’re ok. Everything is ok.”
And “HEY!!! What an awesome incredible job to stand up for you and show up!!”
Part of being courageous to show up, is the need to put in 2x+ the amount of time to prepare the mind for the actual thing; and 2x+ the amount of time for the mind to recover!
And it’s rare other people show you this, or talk about this.
Let’s normalize this!
Before showing up (I mean even sharing this email with you), I had to prepare my own mind. “What if they don’t like me? What if they hate me?” I actually have to say to my mind, hey, no one is going to hate you, and if they really hate it, they can unsubscribe, or you can block them.
During showing up while doing the thing, my heart would be pounding and my mind would say, “Claudia, what the f are you doing!!! stop it now!!”
After showing up, I deal with all the self doubt, sometimes get sad when I see people unsubscribed; or get upset when other people get mad at me, and then I also tell myself, hey, they have to learn to take care of their own emotions! And YOU DID IT!! You showed up and that’s all it matters!!!!!
There is a lot of ugly stuff I had to learn to deal from behind this “act of courage”.
So, if there is something you really want to do, but find you can’t do it yet… you’re not alone.
Maybe, just maybe it is because this action takes courage.
Just for today, decide at which stage you’re at, are you at the pre-stage? During- stage? Or Post- stage?
Becoming aware of this is the first step.
I applaud you for dealing with the things in your life! I celebrate you!
If you would like some support to go forward with what you want, you can always reach out to me! I am here to help. Send me an email or book a time with me!
On another note, I’d been working on something and I’m really excited about it! I can’t wait to share it with you!!!
Watch out for this in the upcoming email!
Thank you so much for reading!
Just want you to know, you are loved and cared for. You are not alone.
October 22nd, 2022.. I was ugly crying on the sofa in my hotel room in Paris, because I blanked out in the middle of my speech earlier that day.
I so desperately wanted to nail the speech because I craved for my coach’s praises… I yearned to see that sparkle in her eyes while speaking highly of me! I hungered for her to tell the world how proud she was of me! And yet I failed… and I saw that disappointment flashed across her eyes. And that disappointment reminded me of my mom.
That painful realization of how much I needed other people to validate me hit me like a ton of bricks 🧱
And at that moment I said this to myself: “Claudia Chan! I am proud of you, for standing on stage and failing!”
I learned to be proud of myself, to be my own cheerleader whether I fail or succeed.
One year later, I was standing on a beautiful stage in the same dress(!), and I delivered one of the most powerful speeches!
This speech was a journey, and it only captured a small glimpse of the bigger journey I personally went through.
Two weeks prior to me speaking on stage, my friend asked me.. what if you could sit in the possibility that no matter how hard you try, you won’t get the result you craved?
It took me a while to understand what he was trying to say. But as I dived deep into my own subconscious mind, I came face to face with the “intense dissatisfaction of my “current” situation”, one that I had experienced since I was in highschool.
When I was in my teenage years, I always felt “trapped”, because no one seemed to understand me, all I wanted was to drop everything, move somewhere, and restart my life.
And since then, I had created “Limbo” in my head, and in this space, all I wanted was to get myself out of this unpleasant situation, whether through walking, running, or even crawling… I had to get out.
And that was why I worked so hard, because I didn’t want to be in “Limbo”.
I walked, in my subconscious mind, for 25+ years… that was the most exhausting realization… so I made myself slow down, and come to a stop…
It was like watching one of those movies, where the actor was desperately trying to escape, and she was running and stumbling, and eventually came to a stop due to exhaustion and hopelessness, and then she dropped to her knees, and ended up wailing and crying... That was the moment for me when I stopped… I came crashing down ugly crying in front of my friend for 20 min. and then silence... then peace. I could finally stop hustling for the sake of getting out.
At that moment, I was asked to a look at this place called the “Limbo”, at first, it looked like a scene out of a zombie movie, where everything was run down and neglected. And THEN! I realized I could change the scenery in this space to however I wanted it to look.
If you’d seen Lego Batman movie, it was like how the Joker transformed the Wayne Manor into a Jokers theme park. And that was what I did. The buildings in my Limbo turned into a scene in Japan, where I could go shopping, and had ramen… and I built a stage for the little girl inside of me, so she could sing to her heart’s content.
And from there, that was how I stepped on stage.
Whether I win or not, I was giving my voice a place to speak, to share my stories, to share my findings.
To bring fun and joy to other people.
Thank you for walking through this journey with me. Thank you for witnessing me. I appreciate you being in my life.
I am proud to present to you my speech. “The Joys of Chicken Dinner”
At the time I graduated from my Gr 8, I had a crush on this boy at school (for 3 years since Gr 6!).
Since I was never going to see him again (we’re heading to 2 different high schools), I decided to write him a note to let him know I like him. Then I went to his house and put the note on the door handle 😱😱😱🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
I think about 2-3 years later, I was at the mall and saw him working at the cashier at one of the stores… I was like… OMG! ok what do I do? Walk out now? Go up to him?
I was kind of embarrassed and yet I wanted to see him up close… so I decided to buy a pack of coloured pens (which I didn’t need), and went up to pay.
(actually I only glanced at him for a second, I avoided looking at him most of the time 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️😨😨😅😅🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣)
He was kind of smiling/smirking, I don’t know what he was doing or thinking… it is possible that he was making fun of me in his head, but hey whatever….
I have a stupid and fun story to tell, LOL🤣🤣🤣
What is one amazingly brave and stupid thing you did when you were young?
This week, I’d been taking some time off for myself after the speaking competition.
And I was reflecting how at this time last year, I wouldn’t have believed that I would stand on a stage in June for a speaking competition, won, and stood on stage to speak again in November.
For my entire life, my mom’s voice dominated over me.
She did believe that we have to speak up. But the way she did it was through yelling. Believing that the only way for her to make her point across and be in her power is to be LOUD , and shoving things into other people’s faces, showing them “what you did is wrong” and you should be doing it this way.
She grew up this way, because she worked at a clothing factory since she was 13, along with a bunch of men. Because she was a very-matter-of-fact-person, and could speak her mind, she rose up to be the manager of the factory under her boss.
It served her for her life, but the way she brought me up didn’t help me. Because I am very different from her, I believed that everyone should be given a chance to speak. And because I wasn’t given a chance to speak, I grew a very deep belief that my voice didn’t matter.
I had to learn the hard way to speak up and share my story, share my thoughts, share my feelings, EVEN IF no one is paying attention to me, EVEN WHEN no one cares to hear what I have to say.
And this takes courage, because as humans, often times we do care about what other people will say or do.
Because when we speak, it is painful when no one is listening, because it feels like rejection when no one is paying attention.
Have you ever been in a situation where you started sharing one of your stories? But midway through, maybe the other person got interrupted, or they looked away. You were hoping that they will say to you, “Hey, continue your story!” but they never did, so you wondered if you should continue your story?…. And then you didn’t….
Oh yup, so many times for me!
There are times where I still wonder if I should continue to share, and I have to continuously remind myself that I am worthy to be heard.
So are you! You are worthy to be heard!
Since December is coming up, and today is Nov 27th (and I heard that it’s the moon of Gemini, which is all about communication- I don’t know too much about this, I just heard it from someone)
I’d like to invite you to share a story with someone.
Maybe sharing how tired you’d been.
Or how happy you are. Or how much you’re struggling with your life. Or how excited you are for the upcoming holiday!
If you’d like to take on this challenge, I invite you to find a friend to share. Or if you don’t have anyone to share it with, you can send me an email, long, short, one line, up to you. Just so you start sharing, and letting your brain know that your voice is meant to be heard!
Let’s create some evidence for you!
I’m here to witness you, so that you can allow yourself to exercise your voice.
Because YOU matter.
Looking forward to hearing your stories!
This past weekend had been massive for me! Back in June, I entered a speaking competition with Speaker Slam. Since I won, I got a chance to be in the finals, where I competed against 13 other people, which happened this past Saturday!
There were so many lessons I learned from it, and I'll share 2 with you!
First and foremost, I am super proud of my accomplishments.
Even though I didn't win, I already won!
I won the moment I saw what my son got out of it.
My son is 6 yo, he got a chance to see other people go onto the stage to speak, and he was ABLE TO TELL ME EXACTLY what he liked during the event, it brought tears to my eyes. I worked so hard these past 5 years, and I saw the result!
While growing up, I wished that someone could show me more possibilities!
I wished I had someone to show me what they did to build a successful business. I wished I could shadow someone, to see how they interact with others, hear what questions they ask, how they present themselves, JUST SHOW ME HOW!
And because of my work, my son got a chance to see me speak on stage, and he got a chance to watch other people speak, for a 6 yo... And that was one of my wishes, to show my son what's possible, to show my son new possibilities.
I cried happy tears when I realized that.
Second, I learned to let go of expectations.
2 weeks prior to the speaking competition, one of my coach friend asked me, what if everything you do won't amount to anything?
No matter how hard you work, you won't make anymore money, you won't get anymore clients.
??It took me a long time to process this one.
If you're not understanding this, it took me a while to wrap my mind around it too.
Here's how he put it:
If you lose your earbuds (earphones), it sucks, but you can replace them.
If you lose your glasses, it sucks more, but you can still replace them.
but if you lose your fingers, no matter how hard you try, they won't grow back... right?
So you can be depressed, you can be mad, and at some point, you'd be like, okay, this is reality, I've had enough of this, what do I want to do now?
So in my situation, if I'm not going to get anymore money, or clients, and I'm at this spot I'm in forever, then what do I REALLY WANT to do, for me?
At first, it created a lot of despair within me...
Because for a very long time, I didn't want to be where I am.
I had to spend some time to go into my subconscious mind, to see that I'd been trapped in a "layer" where I called the Limbo. And I was so dissatisfied with it that I'd been trying to get out! I've had this feeling since I was a teenager. So some days, I'd be walking, some days running, some days crawling... but no matter what it was, I was just trying to get out! And when I finally become aware of this, I made myself slow down... and then stop. When I finally stop, I ended up dropping to to my knees and cried for 15 min.
That was my extremely strong tendency to chase what's outside.
The beautiful thing was, once I stopped crying, I was able to look at this Limbo, and see the landscape changing. It turned from a scene from a zombie movie (where it was all deserted and run down), to a vibrant, fun, beautiful city.
I am happy where I am.
This helped me gear up for the speaking competition. Because all I wanted was to go in, have a lot of fun, and believing that my voice is worthy to be heard.
I am very proud and satisfied where I am standing. It is totally amazing!
Anyway, once I have the video to my speaking, I'll definitely share more with you!
PS
How have things been with you?
In my email above, I shared how I was able to stop myself from chasing after the external things.
We have a tendency to keep looking outside, maybe we compare ourselves to others, or we may keep looking at our shortcomings.
Have you ever find yourself feeling upset about where you are in life because of all these external comparison?
I hope that you're able to take a moment for yourself to celebrate you. See all that you've accomplished, all that you have in your life. I celebrate you!
Here's a video of my accountability partners and I dancing to celebrate me speaking on stage!! Because we're just 3 crazy ladies! LOL
